James Loy  

The views and opinions expressed in this podcast by the hosts and guests may or may not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Miami University.

Student  

I'm a senior. I'm about to graduate, and I've done a lot of cool things in college.

Student  

I never thought that I was going to be an intramural curler. I never thought that I was going to be the student body president.

Student  

These four years have been the biggest amount of growth I've seen in my entire life.

Student  

It's not just about the academics, but like what kind of person you turn into, which is super cool.

Michaela  

Who is the first person you became friends with in college, and what made you click?

Bradley  

Besides like my RA, because I spent a lot of time with them, and this will sound really funny, but truly my first friend was probably Maggie. Maggie's me, yeah, and I met her in chem lab, and we were like the two at the very end of the bench, you know, and we were like the only group of two instead of three for like Jenkin Lab, but the first day was like really weird, a little bit. You know, you're getting to like feel out this new person and doing like an academic task. But then the next week she was like, "Yeah, you're gonna come get breakfast with me. Like we're gonna go to garden. And when we sat down, we actually found out like we lived only a neighborhood away, and we were involved in a outside school club when we were kids, and I just never knew she was there. So I was like, "So I know you, but I didn't know you. Really small world, but yeah,

Michaela  

that is that's so full circle too. It is ended up at Miami and in the same chem lab at that. Oh, that's sweet. Shout out Maggie. Love you.

Bradley  

I would say mine was my freshman year roommate because when we first got to college, obviously we didn't have good connection with anybody, so we just kind of did everything together. As far as like going to the dining hall and everything, and all the social events, that was my start.

Michaela  

That was me too. I know I'm hearing a lot about RAs and freshman year roommates, and I was very similar. I feel like most people's first friends are their freshman year roommates because you kind of do everything together, and they're the only face you know at that point. So yeah, that's kind of what we talk about on this podcast: is campus life and finding your place, finding your people. And so today we have a very special episode, and it's about dorm life. So, who do we have here today to discuss that? Hi, everybody.

Bree  

My name is Bree Snyder. I'm a senior third URA in Havokurst Hall, and I study engineering at Miami.

Bradley  

I'm Bradley Sidwell. I am a sophomore here at Miami. I am a resident in Bishop Hall.

Gayla  

Hello, everyone. My name is Gayla. I'm a biology major. I was an RA in Hodge Hall two years ago, and then Hillcrest Hall for the past two years. So returner for three years.

Michaela  

Yeah. Wow. So you guys are both three-year RAs.

Bree  

Saw it through. Yeah.

Michaela  

How did you guys get into that? What was your intro to becoming an RA?

Bree  

For me, I think my biggest push and intro was my RA my freshman year, and I in fact actually did not have a roommate. So someone was supposed to move in and live with me, but it never really worked out. I fell through. So I did a lot of things with my RA, like we would go get lunch and dinner together, or we'd hang out on her visibility because that was like my first in hall friend. But yeah, I think she was the biggest push and said you should apply to do this, and so I did.

Michaela  

Yeah, and kind of to give that same experience to maybe someone else who's feeling lonely their first semester, since that can be such an overwhelming time, I think RAs are such an integral part of adjusting to college life.

Gayla  

Yeah, I came to the dorms before everybody else was there. It was just me and the RAs, and I was surprised that you could get paid to be a familiar face in the hall. And I really was inspired by that and how they were always there for us and had all those resources, and we're just pretty good friends and friendly with everybody. And I was like, "Damn! So I could do this as a job, and so I got inspired and applied and got the position three years ago.

Michaela  

Yay! And obviously, it's treated you both pretty well, right?

Bree  

Oh yeah, yeah.

Michaela  

Bradley, how about you? How has your dorm life been the past two years?

Bradley  

It's been good. So when I was a freshman, I lived in Hillcrest Hall, which is one of the honor dorms.

Michaela  

So what I guess are some trends that RAs are seeing as of now? Like are students lonelier? Have you seen any difference from your first year being an RA to maybe your third?

Bree  

I'd say like from my first year being an RA. So I was a sophomore. There was a lot more activity. People wanted to do more things, and I feel like as the years progressed, students are becoming a little more isolated. They want those single rooms. They're not really coming to corridor, all hall events, and it's really hard to get them to do that, even if you're doing an event that completely tailors to the LLC that they live in. And it's interesting because when I got my RA feedback from this past semester, a lot of these students say, "I want more group activities, like I want to do more stuff with people, but then they're not really making the push to come and like interact with others or give me ideas on what events that you want. So it's interesting to see such a large group of people want to. Community, but then also not like partake or do the steps to get there. It's really

Michaela  

They aren't contributing to said community.

Bree  

Right, Right it's hard to like put in that effort and contribution for like I have 37 men, so it's really definitely interesting that they want it, but they're not doing anything to get it.

Michaela  

Yeah, and I guess for those who don't know, can you explain kind of what an LLC is?

Bree  

Yeah, so we have very many LLCs on campus, and LLC stands for Living Learning Community. And for example, in Havercurs Hall, the LLC is Sports and Recreation. So we get a bunch of students who were either high school athletes or they did a club sport. They might do club on campus. So, but yeah, a lot of LLCs that students can fit in, and it's supposed to tie the interests of all the students in there that live together.

Michaela  

Got it. So you are all men right now. Okay. And then, what students do you have?

Gayla  

I have honors students. Okay. So I'm in the honors residential college. I have a mixed corridor, so both females and males. And despite having a different group of students and different LLC, I see similar trends. We see lots and lots students participating in all hall events and corridor events, despite the residents' life actually trying so hard to put those events up there. As for loneliness, I mean, residents seem to be coping well with being away from home. In the past three years, I see that those who live in the area they tend to visit their families during the weekends, but definitely having friends and and doing stuff with their friends on the weekends has helped them. I also see friends, residents becoming friends with others in different corridors or different buildings. So it's always nice to see a pretty vibrant community with getting to see how they're socializing and having their best time here in Miami.

Michaela  

Yeah, I feel like especially at the beginning of the year too, it's so important to go to those events because I remember as a freshman, there were a ton of RA events like those first couple weeks just to get everyone to like get to know each other, and I remember I like made my roommate and I go, and like the people across the hall go, and like then once everyone sees that it's like cool to go to these events, you know what I mean. Like once someone starts that trend, then like everyone will begin to go. So it's really just about like biting the bullet and like going and like just trying to make friends. And then I knew every single person on my floor's name by like the middle of the semester, you know what I mean? So I think it is so worth it, so that you can like hang out in the common room, stuff like that, because that makes such a big difference if you guys know everybody versus if you just only have your roommate. Yeah, what LLC do you live in, Bradley?

Bradley  

I'm not in an LLC. We actually created a SCC, it's a student created community. So my friend came up to me basically last semester and just ask me, do you want to join this SEC we created? It's called Global Eats. So we did these events where we like made food and stuff. But honestly, it's very chill. It's just a group of friends you want to live together and then just hang out.

Michaela  

Yeah, very cool. What was your freshman year experience like? Would you say you like really try to put yourself out there?

Bradley  

Yeah, I was definitely one of the first people to like sit out in the common area, and just like I would literally see people walk by, and I'd intentionally be like, "Hi, what's your name? Just ask them questions to get them kind of talking, and then slowly more and more people started to come out into the common area, and we actually built a really good community. I think almost everybody on our floor knew each other, and we'd like watch movies and stuff together. We actually decorated our dorm for Christmas. It was really cool.

Michaela  

That's so sweet. I made Gingerbread House as my freshman year, so relatable.

Bradley  

That's cool.

Michaela  

Yeah, I know. I always say I'm like someone's got to do it, so it might as well be you. I mean, you all want to be friends. Everyone wants the same thing, especially freshman year. So you kind of just have to be the one to take the initiative.

Michaela  

What should parents expect, or maybe not expect, about the emotional transition, like that they see their kids go through, and like how they can support students without being like considered like a helicopter parent. So, what have you guys seen that's particularly helpful in terms of making sure that students are, you know, having a good experience?

Bree  

I've seen a lot of parents be micro controlling or trying to basically take over all the major responsibilities that their the students or their kids have once they start their experience here as freshmen, there are so many times when we as RAs are being called to wake them up or turn the alarm off for them, which is quite surprising for those who are not RAs in this room. But it actually happens, and I would say they're a lot more informed year after year. They know what's going on, what clubs the student might want to join right from the day that they come to the residence hall. But I would say what they should expect is that. This whole time, when their kids are going to be away from them, all the experiences they might be going through, all the emotions, good and bad, are going to be there, and that's perfectly fine. And if the parents are not there, they should know that there's a whole resource and a system established for these residents to still succeed and feel that they're emotionally stable and ready to finish their degree and get on so many other experiences at Miami and after that. But what they should expect is a pretty strong support system that we as RAs and professors and RDS and all that offer for them. And they should also expect that there's ups and downs with this kind of experience. Being in dorm life means you have to manage life with your roommate if you have one, and kind of decide which responsibilities everybody's going to have, and cleanliness, and and sharing the common space, and making friends with other people in the hallway, if at all, and doing your one-on-ones with the RA and with the RD, and still being a person and a student after all. So it's a lot of things that could be overwhelming, and stress can take over, and residents might kind of get into their own bubble or isolate themselves. But it's really important for the parents not to overstep and let this be part of their experience, because it's that that's what is going to make them stronger. And I've seen this happen with a lot of my residents, and they really appreciate the growth they've gotten from this whole process year after year. When parents were there when they needed them and when they asked for their help, yet they were the masters of their own journey here at Miami.

Michaela  

I think it's important what you just said about parents being there when they need them, but then also allowing them to kind of learn everything on their own. So, like, because you're right, like if they really need somebody, you guys are there for them. The RD is there for them. Miami is there for them generally. So, it's just that independence aspect that I think is such a learning curve because you really are on your own for the first time. And you said like learning your cleanliness habits, learning to live with somebody else. Like there are just so many little things you don't always realize. And like maybe your parents did your laundry your whole life, and you you have to go down to the laundry room and put a load in, and I think it is very funny because there are some instances in which you're like, "Oh my gosh, like, wow, my parents really did a lot for me. But it is important that they learn all of that and make sure they're doing it on their own.

Bree  

Kind of run off what you're saying. I think like a thing that parents should like expect is put your trust in the people that are there for your student and your kids, like how Gaja was saying with the RD, the RAs, and everyone that they have there, but they also need to give their student and their kid that autonomy, because if they don't do the things on their own, you know they're not going to also like learn, but they can do things on their own still, like with help and support, but they always have a good push to get them there. But at the same time, while there is that trust, and you know this person's always going to be there for your kid, we can't babysit fellow student 

Michaela  

is crazy. I did not know that was that common. 

Bree  

Yes, what she said was so true. We've had parents email saying, "Hey, you know, is my kid making it to their class? Are they doing these things they need to be doing? You know, is their room clean? And I'm like, that's not

Michaela  

no,

Bree  

that's not really on us as an RA. Like, yeah, I'm here to support your kid, but I'm also I can't make sure that they're doing these adult things that they need to learn while being here.

Michaela  

That they're expected to do while being here. 

Bree  

Exactly. So really, like, you do have to trust your student, and you do have to trust the areas that are there. But I mean, that comes with the your kid will learn the things they you know need to or not need to be doing because even if not a push from us, it's going to be a push from who they're living with if they have that roommate, which I feel like is so important. You know, if you're not the cleanest person, your roommate will let you know. Like something will arise from it, but you know, it's definitely important. And then in terms of like helicoptering and stuff, we see it. Like parents try to email us. I've had parents call the duty number, which they shouldn't even ever have, truthfully. And I answer it. I'm like, I can't either give you this information about your student, or you know, if this is a bigger issue, you need to contact my boss. But one thing that one of my students did, because they kind of like had this happen to them, like they kind of went MIA, I think, and their parent was starting to worry about them. And I was like, maybe you should, you know, schedule a time one time a week where you're going to talk to your mom. And you know, if you get that, rhythm down. It might be helpful to not have your parent, you know, down your throat every day. But you know, like you have this set block time where you are reaching out and making that connection because it can make it comfortable on both ends. You know, because at the end of the day, I know these students need their parents as much as their parents might need them, especially when you're first getting to campus as a freshman, like. Yeah, your high schooler just left high school, and now they have this really big pool of freedom and responsibility at the same time. They're gonna have to balance. But one thing that worked for one of my residents was having that back and forth. Like I will touch base with you, and I am okay.

Michaela  

Yeah, and I think as a student, you go through these massive changes and kind of forget that your family is living the same life you just left. Like I remember, my mom would be like, "You call me in five days. Like, are you alive? I'm like, "Oh my god, I'm sorry. Like, I did went to these classes, and then I went to these clubs, and then I went here with my friends in it. And I'm like, "Whoa! Like, I gotta like ground myself a little bit. So, like, even that sort of thing, it's like, oh, like that call just reminded me that like that's a huge learning curve. Like, making sure you're making time for people that aren't in front of your face. Like my home friends, I had to ensure that I was texting them not once every two weeks, but maybe more than that. So yeah, it's very interesting. I feel like that transition is so different for everybody, and it's important that everyone's kind of aware of what what to expect from both student parents and RAs.

Bree  

Yeah, because it's so easy to be out of sight, out of mind. Not just with like chores. And as sad as it is to say, like it does happen with people. Like if you're not seeing your friends and family every day, like you did in high school, sometimes it can just go right over your head, and you don't recognize it until it's you know, hey, where are you?

Michaela  

Right. How was that transition for you, Bradley?

Bradley  

It was good. One thing my mom did for me, just kind of very hands-off approach, and just like checked in every once in a while. I think that was more helpful than anything. Like she didn't really push me to do anything necessarily, but she would just check in with me every once in a while and like make sure I was doing stuff. And I feel like that in itself, like as long as your child's doing stuff, then if they have answers for you, then they're good. But maybe if they don't have answers, they're not really doing anything. Then that's when you should check in further and maybe come up with some ideas and try to help them out a little bit.

Michaela  

Yeah, absolutely. That's how my parents kind of were too. They were like, "You're gonna figure it out. We trust you. We know you're a good kid. So you just let us know if you need us. And that made me feel like supported and also not like you said, like kind of like suffocated because it is such an overwhelming time. You don't need that from all ends of the spectrum, and obviously you guys definitely don't. I can't believe people call the duty number too. That is, the duty number is like the number that you call when an RA is on duty on a weekend, right?

Bree  

On any day. So that yeah, that duty number it like it links directly to an app, and what we do is we'll walk into this app, and so when someone calls that number, it directly links to my like personal phone, and it's it should be like a preserved number. Every building has their own duty number, actually. So my building has a separate number than Gala's, and when you give that away, like anyone could just be tapped into that, and it could be so unrelated. So I'm like, oh yeah, so and so's mom. How did you even get this number? But yeah, it's really weird. And we tell students like, you know, don't give this number away, because you know it could be a whole process, like having to change it, or just it could back up other calls. Like if a student's having a real emergency, and someone's parent calls me, that's a big problem. Yeah,

Michaela  

then you're not gonna get to the actual issues. Yeah. Um. I guess like what was everyone's roommate situation like their freshman year, and did everyone have a good experience? Because I feel like that is something that definitely prospective students I know are worried about, and can be kind of scary just navigating not only finding one, but also like keeping one and enjoying one. I think those are definitely different things. I know people just kind of who have coexisted with their roommates. Some are best friends. Some have hated each other, unfortunately. So, what has that been like for everyone?

Bree  

So, I was in a triple my freshman year, which, as we know, as RAs, triples are pretty hard to live in because there's only so much space you can share with those individuals. It's just a small environment, and having to set responsibilities and and decide who's doing what, and making sure you're all on the same page with the other roommates. That's that can be difficult, especially as a freshman. I had a pretty good freshman experience overall. We all had different majors and different interests, yet we learned to co-live and and share the same environment and know who's doing what and all the responsibilities that everybody has in that shared space, I got to make more friends outside my room. So potentially had other friends that I was better friends with than my roommates myself. But I can definitely see now as an RA why having a roommate agreement is so important because it's essential to have specific rules in the dorm, whether or not you want guests, how you want the room to look like, who's doing what in terms of chores and all of that. And so now that I have both experiences as a roommate slash resident and as an RA, I see how the things we do as RAs make sense now.

Michaela  

Yeah.

Gayla  

Um. For me personally, I never got that freshman year roommate, so it was really hard. Um. I was supposed to have one international student was supposed to come up with me, and something fell through. So when I first moved in, not knowing this, like I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so eager to move in and meet this person, and like I'm gonna have a friend, and we're gonna go do all these things, and when it didn't happen, I was like, "Wow, this is a little lonely. Like, this is a little like looking around at everyone, kind of getting that little FOMO moment. So I'm like, "Man, I don't have anyone to do anything with. But um, that was only like short lived. Um, by October, which is just very common, so I lived in the double without a roommate. I did have someone move in with me, and it was very quick. I remember one day, like getting an email saying, "Yeah, there's a girl gonna move into your room at the end of the day today. Here's her email. Reach out to her. And I was like, "Oh,

Michaela  

thank you.

Gayla  

So I reached out and like I inevitably I helped her move in because you know I know how hard it is to move in and

Michaela  

and alone. Oh my gosh!

Gayla  

And it was really nice that she was in the building next door, so I did help her move all her stuff in. And although it was like really awkward at first, because like okay, I've it's October, I've been here alone for months, and now I have this person to share space with, and I didn't really get to meet you up front. All the fun campus activities are kind of over. I'm in my school groove. It was hard, but I feel like it was definitely worthwhile to have that person and go through some of the things we did. I feel like it made me more resilient as a person, and you know, kind of just learning how to live with someone else. I feel like is really important, and like teaches you how to set boundaries, and also teaches you, you know, how to live with there without your parents because you're kind of having to compromise between you and that person, like not constantly, but it's definitely there. But yeah, I definitely feel like being able to have a roommate and not being alone the whole time was important.

Michaela  

Yeah,

Bradley  

so I actually knew somebody from my high school who's also going to be in the honors college. So I came in with he wasn't a super close friend, but a friend from high school, which I know is like a topic in itself, like should people room with people from high school? But I had really good experience with it. Actually, we got along well. But one thing that should be mentioned, I think, is definitely take the roommate agreement seriously, even if you're friends with somebody and think it's all going to go well. Because if things start going wrong, having that roommate agreement and those boundaries set is very important.

Michaela  

What are some things that you guys noticed are pretty common, like broken boundaries. I guess, like what were maybe some of those deal breakers?

Bree  

I feel like a lot of residents don't take the roommate agreement seriously and don't set expectations at the beginning of the year, and so that just builds up over the semester. And when they have discussions about who's doing what and all these expectations and responsibilities, and how clean the room is going to be, and who's doing what, and whether or not guests are allowed. When that time comes, that's when they know that they should have taken the agreement more seriously. So a lot of questions on the agreement ask about whether or not you're a morning person or a night owl, and what your schedule might be looking like, and if it aligns with your roommates, and how you would like to keep your space. Are you a super clean person, or do you not care too much about how organized the room is, and how you would like to share those chores and responsibilities with your roommate, whether you want guests or not, at what times and all of that, and so a lot of times it's the roommate agreement that might lead the residents to a conflict or some sort of disagreement. Other times is just them not being really good friends, and they come as freshmen thinking that they're going to be besties with their roommates, and their interests might not align, or they might have just different majors, and they already have friends outside of the hall or outside the room, and their whole dream about being besties with their freshman roommate that they had in high school is just destroyed, and then this might lead to further conflict or just the residents feeling a little lonely despite living with somebody else in the same room.

Michaela  

I've heard just to touch on what you said, Bradley, that like honestly, living with someone that you kind of know but not super well is better than someone living with someone you know super well. So I think it's funny that you mentioned that because I have heard. I mean, sometimes it works out great for people when they go live with their best friend, like they do know them so well, and they can't have those honest conversations because they they have such a close friendship. But others I know that it has like totally shattered their relationship because they haven't been able to be honest with one another and like set those boundaries from the start because they thought they could kind of just walk into this situation. So I think it's interesting because like I got set up for like by not a mutual friend. It was my aunt, but she set us up. She like saw that we were kind of similar, set us up, and then I trusted her vetting process. You know what I mean? So I think that is always kind of the best route to go. Or I've heard like the Instagram. You know, you reach out through DM. I've heard that's great. So I think it's just interesting how everybody has. How everyone finds their roommate because that's kind of a process in itself. But kind of going off of conflicts, how do you guys handle those? Is there like a certain protocol with roommates specifically, or maybe what do you what do you see yourself having to do the most?

Gayla  

Really, um, comes down to the severity of the situation because obviously, if it's more severe, someone's like in danger or not safe, there are more extreme measures that need to be taken to really like take care of it when it happens. But for the more common like minor things, you notice going back to that rooming agreement. Oftentimes, we find that residents come to us first and expect us fix this for me. This is a problem. I need this handled now, or I just simply want to leave the room. How can I just move out? And you know, the first go-to question that we're you know always wanting to ask is, did you talk to your roommate first or not? And I feel like that's so important because oftentimes a lot of stuff, at least in my experience, is like internalized, or they don't bring it up, and they're like, I can handle this. Like, I can dug it out for a semester, whatever they need to do, but in reality, you know, sometimes having that conversation with your roommate by yourself is really important. That like it gives you that freedom to see eye to eye with just the person you live with, without like you know some intervention of the RA. Because you know, yeah, like we are, you're kind of like mentors or boss. But if you can settle a lot of problems you have on your own. It really is like big buildup of your own personal conflict resolution skills. Oftentimes, it doesn't need to be as extreme as you think. Sometimes the person you're with is really understanding, and it really wasn't a big issue that you've been holding in for X amount of weeks.

Michaela  

Yeah, I think what you said about conflict resolution is so true because honestly, it could be something so small and it's fixed in five minutes, but now you just meet an even bigger deal out of it by involving a third party. Now, hey, that roommate might have resentment towards you because you like tattled on them, so to speak. So I think that dynamic is really important to like get down pretty immediately because it is so vital that you're able to like be confrontational with someone that you're living with.

Gayla  

Going off that, like in cases where sometimes maybe it is more extreme, or like I have talked to my roommate and it's still not, you know, working out. That's when we do go back and tie back to that roommate agreement, and that's where we really start to see like, did you take this seriously so we can really help you? Do we need to make revisions or make one in general? But if it's something really extreme, then we do handle that in different ways.

Bree  

Yeah, we know residents, especially freshmen, are facing a lot of difficulties and challenges and conflicts. And some of them are just silent. We don't know a lot about them. Doesn't mean they're not going on. It's just that they're probably dealing with that on their own, or they're having their parents help, or they're just talking to their friends or or roommate and solving that issue, but when we do hear about conflicts, they tend to be maybe a little bit more severe, like an alcohol incident, or they could just be them feeling like there's no way out, or this is not going well, and nothing's changing about it. And we're always there as a resource for them, and among the first questions we ask them is, did you do the roommate agreement, or did you set expectations at the beginning of the year? And if they did so, but they're not following that, then we might be having a one-on-one with them, and we ask them what their side of the story is and what they're looking to get out of that conflict or out of that discussion, and sometimes we might have to delegate this issue and send it to the RD, where they also have a one-on-one with the resident, and they they look at both sides of the story. So, what we want to do is be fair with both residents because they're all our residents, and so we might be having a one-on-one with one of the residents and then with the other one, and seeing where the conflict is arising, and that's crucial for understanding how to deal with it. And the message in this whole conversation is that we want them to reach out to us, but not necessarily for every small minor inconvenience, because it's those small challenges you face along the way that build up the whole pathway to being a stronger resident and going through that growth phase as as a student at college. I

Michaela  

know it's kind of like not that you're a last resort because that has a negative connotation, but it should kind of should be like okay now I really don't know what else to do. I'm gonna go to my RA, which is why you guys are such a great resource for, I feel like especially freshmen to have, Bradley. Do you feel like you've taken a lot of what you learned your freshman year in the dorms into your sophomore year, or maybe like what is the difference between the two that you've seen thus far?

Bradley  

I definitely learned a little bit. I mean, as far as having those conversations that were previously mentioned, I think that's a huge step. I think the biggest thing I took to my sophomore years, just the importance of having those conversations and how such small conflicts can be fixed with a very simple, like 10-minute conversation. I mean, those conversations are so scary to have. It seems, but as soon as you have them, you both feel a lot better, and like your roommate, at least from my experience, will understand your side and honestly be very helpful in kind of resolving the issues that. Might have existed.

Michaela  

Yeah. Did you room with the same person that you roomed with last year, or is it a different roommate?

Bradley  

I had a different roommate. So my freshman year, I roomed with a, like I said, a friend from high school, but that friend actually he got married the summer between his freshman and sophomore year.

Michaela  

Wow.

Bradley  

So my sophomore year, I actually

Michaela  

I'm sorry, like not the derail, but what?

Bradley  

Yeah, so it was actually a crazy story. Like I was in my room second semester, and like he was like looking at the wedding ring and stuff. I was like

Michaela  

How long have they been dating?

Bradley  

It was since high school. Sometime in high school, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I'm happy for them, but yeah, that was a crazy experience to like live through that. And obviously, his girlfriend at the time actually became fiance was in my room a lot, so it was just a very strange dynamic, I guess. But

Bree  

were you invited at the wedding?

Gayla  

Yeah, you're invited.

Bradley  

I was invited to the wedding. I unfortunately wasn't able to attend.

Gayla  

Hey, mergers!

Michaela  

Yeah, they wanted to merge early. Wow! So that must have been interesting. That's a unique experience for sure.

Bradley  

So one of the actually that's part of what I took to my sophomore year was like his fiance at the time was in like my room a lot. So like having to deal with an extra person in my room quite often, and I never had that conversation. I wish I did because I think it would have gone well, and we could have figured something out. But I was able to bring that experience to next year and have a like similar vibe with my next roommate and kind of his girlfriend being in the room as well, just setting those boundaries.

Michaela  

Yeah, and have you learned to do that? Did you have that conversation?

Bradley  

I did.

Michaela  

Yeah, I know. I think that is a major, major issue in RAs. You could tap in about this too. Is like the third person. I feel like a lot of times when you are looking for a roommate, it's like, oh, do you have a boyfriend? Like, oh, is he coming to Miami? And like that almost plays into that decision so much. As does like then throughout the semester, I know people get so frustrated because it's I don't want this man in my room. Respectfully, like he could come over once in a while, but why is he our third roommate? Those conversations are hard to have when it's like someone you love loves someone else, you know. So it's just tricky. So I don't know if that's pretty common. If you guys see that, but

Gayla  

yeah, I've seen it on all every side of spectrum, some people don't care. Like, hey, this guy is my friend as much as he is my roommate's boyfriend. I'm like, that's great. I'm glad the three of you get along so well. But then I've also seen like, yeah, I really don't want this guy or girl in my room this much. And it's it's definitely a tricky thing to navigate because while both people who live in a room are allowed and like have that right to have guests. The other person has an equal right of if they don't want someone in the room, so it's really hard to like navigate. And again, why I feel like that agreement is so important, like finding that room to compromise because while you might not want them staying overnight or the course of multiple days, which there is a policy about that, but it is very hard to police. Like, have you been here for six nights? How do you know that? Like, I don't have a check-in sheet for you. I'm not also like not gonna helicopter you either as an RA. So really, like getting that down to okay, you really gotta like write this out and stick to it if this is gonna work. Where okay, you can stay like one night of the week, great. Or if you don't want him staying nights at all, like that other person has the right to reserve that, then okay, what's a time that you're in class so they could come hang out in the room for a little bit during the day but not stay in the night? So it is just hard to navigate, and I feel like a situation like that would be pretty quickly escalated to if it really didn't work out, and obviously you can't say break up with that person. I feel like a lot of people do move because of issues like that over a long term. Like we've tried to fix it, we've done all the small steps. Sometimes it really does result in that, and there's really not a lot we can do if it gets that point. It's just kind of what you have to do.

Michaela  

It is really all about respecting the person you're living with at the end of the day, on all fronts. Like that's chores. That's you know whatever it is. Like if they're never taking the garbage out, I feel like that builds some similar resentment too. Can you guys talk about how dorm life, in general-not even just your roommate, but just like living with other people, doing like everyday interactions, some of the traditions, some of the events you guys do-how that helps build your kind of first community and facilitates a social life?

Bree  

So I can say this as a resident and as an RA right now, but if you're in your own apartment, in your own room, and you don't have the common spaces or the setup that allows you to socialize with your neighbors, most likely you'll just be in your dorm watching movies, doing homework, and not really socializing, and you will miss those connections. You can. Have had with people around you, and so the way dorms are set up is pretty helpful because they have so many neighbors and they have corridors. So first of all, they have the chance to socialize with their roommate if if they have one, or roommates, and then they have the opportunity to socialize with people in the hallway or nearby neighbors, and then they have the floor and then the whole building, so it's like layers of an onion that res life and dorm life offers for them, so that they can socialize and get out of their comfort zone, yet find where they could have a pretty good zone to thrive and and have social relationships and be the person they want to be with those around them, and so I feel like the way dorms are set up makes it even easier for them to to have that opportunity. As residents before, well, as RAs now, corridor events and all hall events they happen sometimes every week, and that's a great opportunity for them to socialize with people outside their room and the common spaces, the common areas. Sure, it's it's hard to share the same washer and dryer or have to wait until a certain day and a certain time of of the week to do your laundry. But the whole way those are set up is for residents to be able to have a little conversation or exchange a couple words while they're making their morning coffee in the kitchen area, so I feel like you wouldn't have that experience if you were in your own apartment. And those events that we host, that we try so hard to to make sure that they fit everybody's expectations and interests, so that the participation is there. Those are great opportunities for them to get out of their comfort zone, get out of their room, and trying to make connections that they might have not made by themselves. So, as RAs, we try to set up the system for them to be able to make those relationships, and then we leave it up to them for who they want to socialize with, and and how often, and all of that.

Michaela  

I know I'm in a sorority, and I'm sure you guys know like the sorority dorms and whatnot. We reminisce on them all of the time, like just being like, oh my gosh, we miss the dorm so much. We miss the dorm so much because there is rarely a time that you are living with such a massive community that's your same age. Like that is just basically built for you to create friends, and obviously these are people I already knew, so it's a bit different. But there's like around 55 of us in my member class, and like obviously now that we're all in houses, we're all split up all over campus, so we never see each other at least all at the same time, like how we used to every single day, and it was so much fun because we're like, oh my gosh, who wants to have a shower party? And then everyone would go and take a shower at the same time and listen the same music and like stuff like that. Like, or like, hey, let's meet in the common room and like let's do a dip night or let's watch a movie tonight. And like, there's just so many things I miss about having such a like a small space that was shared by so many people because you're kind of forced to interact. And I love that part about the dorms, like even brushing your teeth next to random people in the morning. Like there is something to be said about just like kind of living with one another and like that being your initial bond. So yeah, I miss the dorm so much.

Gayla  

Yeah, and everything about a dorm, like like you said about the everyday task, goes to show like even when I was a resident, you realize that the everyday things people do are the same things you're doing, and you're never doing anything alone. So, like knowing that when you feel like okay, my everyday things like I'm always alone doing this, or I feel like I'm the only one, you know, doing this in the world. Sometimes you go and like you figure out, oh, I'm not. All these people are too, and it makes you just feel like a sense of comfort. Like I'm not doing it by myself. So many people are doing the same thing, and kind of like what um Gala was saying, there's so many opportunities that are given to you in the dorm that are posted about on the Instagram we have, posted in your group me, and I feel like not a lot of people realize what they have until it's gone. This is coming from someone that I've moved for like internship and jobs. Like I've lived in an apartment alone, and I'm like, wow. If I really want to make friends, I need to go put the effort out there. Like no one's here doing this for me anymore, or I don't just have a neighbor, or I don't have this event I can go to and expect 10 people to show up to talk to. So like I really think people don't realize what they have until it's not there, and there's just so many things that are there coming from a staff of nine RAs that guarantees that there's nine events happening in one month. We always have an LLC event every month, and we have a weekly social for the first eight weeks of the semester. But like when you like step out of that dorm community in life, you're like, man, I really kind of miss it. And you always have interactions where you know you can make that push to say something to someone, but then when it's not there, obviously you're like, wow, not the there really isn't a community, but it's not as readily available, and there's not as many people who are open to it because I feel like they get so comfortable. On that, I live alone now. Like, why would I need to do that?

Michaela  

And it's really sweet what you said about like not being alone doing things because that's so true. Like, even the dumb stuff. Like, I remember always being like, "Oh wow! Like, at the end of the day, we all have to brush our teeth. Like, or we all have to do a load of like. If I would see someone doing laundry at like 10 p.m. I was. You're like, okay, good. Like, someone else is going through it a little bit too right now. Like, do you feel that way, Bradley?

Bradley  

Yeah, that's actually been the hardest part about transitioning to my sophomore dorm. Is my freshman dorm had these common areas every floor, every corridor, and at any given time there'd be five to 10 people hanging out out there, and it's just really nice to be able to sit down and have these conversations with people. But my whole this year doesn't have that common area on every floor. There's only the one the one on the bottom floor, so I mean, kind of a way I've combated that is I joined the CLT, which is the community leadership team for my dorm. So we plan events for people and stuff, but at least with the CLT meetings we have weekly, there's like eight people, and we just can sit there and talk about stuff. We plan stuff, but then we usually find ourselves staying past after we've planned everything and like talked about everything important just to talk and kind of have a good time.

Michaela  

Yeah, and I feel like with a group like the CLT, like you all obviously want that community. That's why you're part of like, is it called the community leadership team? Is that yeah, that's what it is. So I think it's like you all know that like you all want to make friends, so it makes you that much more inclined to like want to build relationships with those people because they're seeking out the same thing you are. Can you guys share any like funny or unexpected moments that taught you or like any other students in the dorm important lessons about you, your roommates, living with other people, or maybe like any something maybe a funny story that's happened with a resident while you've been in RA, have you had any funny stories, Bradley?

Bradley  

I feel like the funny stories are kind of inevitable. There's always going to be a story you hear about. People do stupid things all the time, but I think just a funny one for me personally was our dorm, our RA, our freshman year was leaving mid year. He was graduating, so somebody came up with the idea of holding a funeral for our RA. So we got probably 20 to 30 people out in our common area, and we all just like sat there and like people gave like eulogies and stuff for our RA, and it was a lot of fun. And we actually got a really good picture shot out of it. It's like almost everybody on our floor was there, and it was a good time.

Michaela  

Oh, and I'm sure your RA was touched. I would love that. I say that's endearing. Yeah, quite. Oh my God, that's so funny. Maybe someone will throw you guys one. Yeah, the bar

Bree  

I say that's endearing.

Michaela  

Yeah, quite. Oh my God, that's so funny. Maybe someone will throw you guys one. Yeah, the bar

Bree  

Yeah, the bar is high. The bar is residents. I'm gonna put it in the group me as soon as this is over. Like, hey guys, I just found this out. Do I get one? Like, where's mine? 

Michaela  

Yeah, legitimately. Dorms really do cultivate that kind of environment. Like, it's almost like so intimate that like things are bound to happen. Like, you are genuinely doing everything with other people all the time. So, okay, I guess just to kind of close out, what is your advice for new students? Like, ways to thrive in the dorm, what mindset to have, what strategies to have going into a new year, or even just like going into living with someone for the first time? What do you guys kind of have to say on that?

Bradley  

I think put yourself out there, try new things. Even if you don't think you'll like it, just go anyways. Make yourself seen in the community. Like if you have a common area, sit out there. Even if nobody's sitting out there yet, if you're the first, you might encourage other people to come out because I guarantee you a lot of people want to do the same thing and kind of start building that community. But yeah, just be present and try things.

Bree  

Yeah, definitely put yourself out there, get out of your comfort zone, and make sure to try everything. Freshman year is all about trying, and we know residents joining 50 clubs and then ending up with one or two that they really liked. So it's part of the experience, and nobody's an expert. And there's going to be so many ups and downs, and you should expect that as a as a student and a resident. And just socialize, make friends. Potentially, college friends are going to be friends for life. So just getting yourself out there and making those connections, and just getting that social time with your friends and and classmates, and just try new things. It's all about the experience, and that's how it becomes even more rewarding as a as a whole.

Gayla  

Yeah, I think my advice would be do things without the fear of judgment. Everyone's in the hall doing the same thing as you, and you know when you're sitting around, even if you're by yourself doing work, like I don't know. Sometimes I might have this underlying fear of someone's watching me and they're thinking this of me or something. No one is. You guys are all in it together, and you know, really like tap into your community, know that you have support, and know that people aren't here to judge you. We're always here to help, and honestly, like the things you're doing, everyone else is, and go do fun things. Even if at first it might be alone or with one other person, I'm sure somebody else would think it's fun and would want to join you too.

Michaela  

Yeah, I know. Definitely, I feel like the theme of this whole episode has been just like not waiting for someone else. Like you can control that. You have the means to like be the first one to start. Something you can go out into the common room first. You can go knock on people's doors first. You can make a relationship with the RA first. So, like, be the first one and like be confident in that decision because everyone is definitely going to follow in your footsteps. So, yeah, thank you guys so much for coming on. I loved this conversation.

Bree  

Yeah, thank you for having us.

Gayla  

Thank you.

Bradley  

Thank you, 

Michaela  

Vibes. We hope you enjoyed this episode exploring life inside the resident halls, what it's really like to live on campus, meet lots of new people, and all the experiences and support systems that are here to help you thrive. Because college isn't just what happens inside the classroom; it's also about what happens in the hallways, out on the quad and during all the everyday moments that shape who you'll meet and who you'll become. For more college stories and advice, listen to many more episodes of Major Insight wherever podcasts are found.